Taffy Apples

Hollywood is a wacky town, no doubt, but on All Hallows Eve the place is nuttier than Kim Basinger with out her medication! Maybe it's a full moon, but the whack-factor is in full force today ... this morning I went to the Safeway in Beverly Hills to pick up some Chase and Sanborn (it's Hank's favorite coffee, what can I say?) and while in the check-out line I witnessed Whitney Houston being escorted out of the store by security guards (poor thing was going bat-shit-bonkers cursing out the store staff for not having Strawberry Quick mix) ... meanwhile, in the parking lot, Bobby Brown got in to a shoving match with one of the guards and soon the LAPD was there whisking America's sweethearts to the county jail ... When I got out of the store and back to my car, I found my driver, Ramon, on his cell phone, I don't speak Spanish very well but it sounded like he was saying, "Colin, usted me dio cangrejos!" Not sure what that meant but I doubt it was an invitation to the Día de los Muertos celebration ... a few miles from the store, I saw Kristie Alley in dark glasses and a fright wig ducking in to the McDonald's on Hollywood Blvd, I wonder if Jenny Craig knows about this ... saw Bruce Willis chasing Ashton Kutcher into the woods off Mulholland with a tire iron ... swung by the studio and dropped off the Julia Robert's script, on the way back to the car I was accosted by Seann William Scott who begged me to help him get a role in Clooney's next film, told him to take some acting lessons or, if he was feeling brave, he could stop by The Sheldrake Room tonight and ask in person...

Finally home, sat down to a fab breakfast of French toast that Guadalupe had whipped up ... scanned Diana's column in Variety... read that Joan Rivers was having her seventy seventh face lift and that her plastic surgeon is going to start using some of the skin from her knees for this procedure ... Hank finally joined us and went for the L.A. Times crossword puzzle, told me that he was still a bit hung over from Dunaway's party last night ... Guadalupe said that Mo Rocca's lawyer called again, she told them that he had the wrong number (memo to self, triple that girl's Xmas bonus!)...after breakfast, Hank and I swam a few laps in the pool and then retreated to the hot tub... Hank took a phone call from the director of his latest film, he is going to have to head back to Montreal tomorrow for a couple of re-takes ...

Spent the rest of the day blogging, returning phone calls and reviewing the script that Tom Hank's wanted me to read ... saw that Guadalupe had made taffy apples for the trick or treaters (asked her to save one for me) and paid her time and half if she'd stay and answer the door ... Hank and I dressed in black tie and tails for the the private party at The Sheldrake room, as is the Halloween tradition at the private Hollywood men's club ...

Got there at eight and found that Matthew Perry was sauced, told him that I was going to call his sponsor, again, he reminded me that I was his AA sponsor... cursed my foul luck and made the bartender brew a pot of strong joe with the instructions to pour it down Perry's gullet until he could walk a straight line ... was shocked and delighted to find that Russ Crowe was here (I guess Danielle is still out of town), we played a quick hand of Dead Eye and I lost twenty bucks to the lucky bastard ... Hank shot pool with Goran Visnjic ... smoked some weed with Kevin Bacon and then joined him and Alec Baldwin and Denis Leary for a couple hands of Texas Hold 'Em, won my twenty back with interest ... there were bowls of candy corn everywhere, and after smoking that righteous weed it tasted as good as Beluga Caviar ... at midnight, we all repaired to the playroom and found Clooney, Crowe and Jeremy Piven were already auditioning Seann William Scott ... that kid is going to go places in this town.

Left around two a.m. and got home at around quarter of three ... Hank went to bed and I raided the fridge , could not wait to taste one of those taffy apples.