Ravioli di Ricotta

A bit of fan mail before I start:

This comes from my pal, Joey B, formerly of Piscataway, currently of Burbank who writes,

Dear Dex,
It seems you live the perfect life. Is there anyone you have beef with, anyone that you just can't stand?
Joey B.

Joey,
I can't say there is anyone that I really can't stand in Tinseltown. For every Mo Rocca and David Spade, there are a thousand Carrie Fisher's and Denzel Washington's ... yeah, I have crossed the paths of a few jerks, but If I have learned anything from years of studying the Kabbalah; when I feel the pull of negative energy, I just yank on my red string and all the bad feelings simply melt away.
Love to Mary Jo!
Dex

+++++

Got back from Palm Springs on Monday and Hank returned to Canada for the remaining shoot of his film ... Drea de Matteo stopped over on Monday night, we had not seen each other since that time I bumped into her at the People's Choice awards a few years back ... Drea's a great kid and she loves to cook. She asked me if she could make a pasta dinner, I told her that that was a great idea and then I had a brainstorm ... Called Eric Stilman and invited him over; I figured that he and Drea might really hit it off...In as much as Guadalupe was off for a few days, Drea took over the kitchen and began whipping up Ravioli di Ricotta, a recipe that she claims was taught her by Edie Falco...funny thing about Drea, as soon as she starts cooking, she strips down to her underwear - Damn, but that girl cooks as good as she looks, and I had a feeling that Stillman and her were going to get along famously... While the food cooked, Drea and I shared some small talk and then I told her about our third for lunch and she seemed thrilled when I told her who was coming over she squealed with joy and said, "Eric Stillman, the guy who broke up Tori Spelling's marriage? Wow, he looked hot in that piece Entertainment Tonight did about him ... but Dex, are you sure he's straight?" I assured her, that as far as I knew, Stillman never hopped the fence, though I mentioned that he has dated several lesbians. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "So when women are through with him they become lesbians? Wow, what's this guy's secret?"

Stillman showed up right on time and greeted me at the front door, "Baxter you old so and so!" he proclaimed giving me a hearty hand shake and pat on the back... he brought a bottle of wine and a gallon of Diet Dr. Pepper and I escorted him into the kitchen where Drea was working a sweat up over a large pot of tocco de nuxe sauce. She looked up from her cooking and when her eyes met Stillman's I smelled something else cooking in the kitchen ... it smelled like love at first sight!

Deciding that I'd let the two kids get to know each other, I excused my self and went to my office and checked my phone messages ... a couple of suits from Paramount called asking if I wanted to do some some work on the new Travolta film called, "A Closet Full of Stars" - it was to co-star Jodie Foster, Tom Cruise, Kevin Spacey and Orlando Bloom ... also got a call from Dwayne, The Rock, Johnson who invited me and Hank to a party at his place out in Malibu ... Faxed the reworked script of The Flying Nun re-make to Tom Hanks (added a nude scene and several musical montages - as well as a sub-plot that included the Opus Dei - I figured what with DaVinci Code opening soon, it might beef up the script some)... called Diana Luxembourg but found out that she was away in Vegas for a few days ... was about to call Dean Cain when I smelled something burning...

Racing back to the kitchen, smoke everywhere, I grabbed the little fire extinguisher we had under the sink and set about dousing the blaze on the stove that had pretty much destroyed all of the imported tile that was on the back splash...the fire out and the windows open, I searched for Drea and Eric and could not find them anywhere ... It was then I heard screaming and discovered the two of them in the maid's room knocking boots-- my kitchen ruined, but my matchmaking an unqualified success I took a deep breath, closed the door quietly and made a few calls to get someone out to the house to repair the kitchen...

A few hours later, after Eric and Drea took off for a motel in Encino, the doorbell rang and carpenter, Carter Oosterhouse of TV's "Trading Spaces" was at my door. "Hi", he said taking his shirt off, "Drea and Eric sent me to do some repair work in the kitchen and they paid me double if I worked shirtless" ... thanking my lucky stars, I dashed up stairs to get my digital camera figuring I might document some of his handy work...for insurance purposes...when I got back down, he was working his table saw in the kitchen...the guy was amazing and in less than an hour the kitchen was looking better than ever...the phone rang and I ignored it ... several hours later, he had everything looking great and said to me, "Well I'm about done here, that is unless you have anything else that needs fixing"...I told him to grab his power-tools and follow me ... soon we were in the bedroom banging and screwing, and before I knew it, I had a brand new bed frame and headboard...Later on we retired to the hot tub and Carter asked me if I knew who the woman was that was passed out on the side walk at the end of my block, "I can't imagine you'd have vagrants in this neighborhood" ... I poured him a Tom Collins and told him the sad story of Doris Roberts...later on, after we toweled off I asked him if he'd ever been to The Sheldrake Room, he had not, and so we set off for the private club driving through the dark California night...