Have you ever played twister, half naked, with Gael Garcia Bernal?
How about blind man's bluff in the all-together with Anderson Cooper and Nate Berkus?
Ever played Mad-Libs, in a steam bath, while a drunken Jeremy Piven keeps falling over you saying, "Let's hug it out, man!"
Well, yes I have, thanks for asking. It all happened on New Year's Eve when Hank and I hosted our annual Hollywood Bachelor's Party at the Beverly Wilshire...we took two adjoining suites and a boat load of bachelors, wanna-be-bachelors and sudden bachelors crowded into our suite of rooms ... the place was lousy with sauced actors and other celebs who wanted nothing more than to come in out of the torrential rains outside and get warm and comfy with their brothers-in-art.
When Hollywood thinks no one is looking, things tend to get a bit crazy, for sure ... There's Taye Diggs arm-wrestling Chris Isaak (Diggs won), here's Ben trying to get reacquainted with Matt (don't get me started on those two fucking bitches!), meanwhile Shemar Moore keeps walking out on the terrace in his boxer shorts singing "It's Raining Men" (he's got a great voice), and then Topher Grace and Greg Kinnear are comparing notes on Ashton Kutcher ( they both agreed that Demi has her work cut out for her)...As I sat next to Hank, who kept telling me dirty jokes in his Moe the Bartender voice (Mr. Man was feeling very frisky), and enjoyed some of the Mexican weed we'd received from Eric Stillman on Christmas, I watched as George Clooney closed a deal on his cell phone while Mark Whalberg kept trying to get George's belt off from around his pants ... Clooney really had his hand's full, that guy is Mister MultiTasking!
After midnight, with most of the party crowd in various states of undress and in
somewhat compromising positions, a phone call came from the front desk that Geraldo Rivera was trying to find out what room we were all in. Anderson Cooper took the call and sent them to the second floor where Drew Barrymore was hosting the Hollywood Bachelorette party ... walking through one of the bedrooms I found Chris Isaak sitting nude on a bed, strumming his six-string, next to him, out like a light, was Piven who was dead to the world... then Hank found me and grabbed my arm and we found our way to the sunken bathtub in one of the bathrooms and we broke open a bottle of Dom Perignon, and toasted in the new year while soaking in a decadent bubble bath ... yes, I fell off the wagon for a few minutes, but it was worth it, and I only had one glass of the bubbly... emerging from the bath, we threw on some terrycloth robes and went back to the party and found Matthew Perry naked on top of the piano belting out, "Stout Hearted Men", Matt was in fine voice and found several men of stout heart to oblige him later ... oh, then we played Twister, that Gael Garcia Bernal is one double-jointed dude, let me tell ya! That was followed by a rather raucous game of blind man's bluff (don't ask), and at around four o clock, most of the guests retired to the steam room to blow off some steam, that's when Piven woke up, and still drunk, kept falling over everyone ...Finally at around six, most of the guests left and Hank and I crashed out...I woke up around noon and surveyed the damage. Good Christ the place looked like a storm had gone through. It was then that I heard water running and when I went into the bathroom, I found Taye Diggs in an inner-tube floating in the sunken bathtub, "Great fucking party", he said to me smiling, "I fucking love Hollywood"!
No argument there.
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